Meeting Triggering Moments | Connecting Through Need | Helping Others | Listening | Breaking Obligations
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Mindful Ninja Move No. 1 – Meeting Triggering Moments.
I once looked at this online inspirational meme that looked at every second of the day as a dollar.
So if someone upsets you for, like, 10 seconds then they have taken “10 dollars” from you.
The point of it was: why spend time, why spend maybe “600 dollars” of your day ruminating about it or letting them know how much they upset you even though you’re never going to get those “10 dollars” back.
And I looked at that and thought, “why even look at a situation like that as something being taken from?”
That’s so disempowering.
When someone triggers you, you are being given something.
You are being given an opportunity to understand yourself and another person better.
To do so with grace, equanimity, calm, creativity.
You can only believe something is being taken from you insofar as you believe you don’t have any control over how you show up in a situation where you get upset.
Deeper technique and wisdom around this move in the Serve Conscious Guide To Facing “Difficult People.”
Mindful Ninja Move No. 2 – Connecting Through Need.
Everyone has the same needs, right?
Maybe different apparent “wants”, which we can call strategies for fulfilling needs.
But they are scratching the same itches you have.
The need for:
(Just a few examples).
These wants may lead to behaviors that bother you – even conflict with you.
And the needs of others can be annoying and inconvenient and may even result in unpleasant behavior towards you.
And if you view the situation solely through that lens, then their needs will be a source of division.
But if you embrace their needs consciously, then it is a pathway to unity.
This person is reaching out and inviting you in to making their life a little better.
So if you validate the need and respond to the need, rather than react to and condemn the behaviors around the need-fulfillment strategy, then you are a person that is of service to them and the moment.
And you elevate both of your lives.
Deeper technique and wisdom around this move in this episode on Mindful Communication.
Mindful Ninja Move No. 3 – Helping Others Is An Opportunity.
One time I was working at this great restaurant with this great chef.
And I was always shoulder-tapping him to get culinary ideas to apply to a drink menu I was working on.
And he would help me reluctantly, often, because he was really busy.
And I would say “thank you”.
And he would say “no, thank you – for the opportunity”…sarcastically of course.
But it’s a tremendous opportunity to help someone.
Any time you help someone, no matter how inconvenient, the one response, internally should be “thank you for the opportunity”…and not sarcastically.
Not “thank you for the opportunity” because…
They were grateful.
Or the project really aligned with your belief systems.
Or that it provided you with some reciprocal gain.
No, even if helping them was tremendously inconvenient and created all kinds of friction and disturbance in your life.
You say “thank you for the opportunity…to demonstrate how much it is I truly have to give.”
Deeper technique and wisdom around this move in the episode on Abundance Mindset.
Mindful Ninja Move No. 4 – Listening Over Charming.
Think about a situation where you’ve said the most perfect thing to someone.
Visualize them lighting up and marveling at your charm and insight.
And whatever effect you had on them, know that it doesn’t compare to the effect you would have when you truly listened.
People know when they’re being heard.
You don’t have to say anything for this to be truly felt – in fact the less you say, the better.
And posing the right questions may not demonstrate your shining wit and knowledge, but inquiry from a place of genuine interest, will truly inspire them.
For them to express the best parts of themselves.
That’s what people really want to do, right?
Because, saying “the right thing” – some opinion, insight, statistic, whatever comes to you on that subject you’re speaking to someone about – is your power imposed on them.
But listening allows them to connect with and express their own inner power.
And that’s what people will truly remember.
Not some bit of information you gave them.
Mindful Ninja Move No. 5 – Breaking Obligation Mentality.
If you think you are doing something out of “duty” or “obligation” then you are confused.
You are not some martyr sacrificing yourself to the cause.
You are a free agent who chooses every aspect of their reality.
So if you’re serving tables at a restaurant because you think “this is what I have to do to survive.”
No, this is what you’ve chosen to do to survive. And note that survival is also a choice.
You have selected the best option you believe is available to you in the moment and you need to take responsibility for that.
This will free you.
Because even if you’re not doing exactly what you want to be doing, you are doing exactly what you’ve chosen to be doing.
And living from that empowered place of understanding your agency as the sole founder of creating your life rather than just being some passive product of external forces will help you reflect on why you do things.
…and what your options truly are.
Deeper technique and wisdom around this move in this interview on finding meaning in your work.